The hello world of my posts on Jampacked.
By Kingston Tsai
On Sun Jun 08 2025
AUTHOR'S NOTE: The following is the initial 'placeholder' article that I used while designing the Duck Times layout. I didn’t plan on actually publishing it in the issue, but one of the other writers thought it would make a funny, weird 'article' (op-ed? Satire? Honestly I don’t even know at this point...), and so, it made its way onto issue I. As such, I felt it only made sense for me to use it again to test out Jampacked :).
There are many things that you probably shouldn’t do, like, for example, trying to redecorate a road with traffic cones. Now, as a certified Traffic Cone Enthusiast (see https://dub.sh/i1-tce, it’s a real thing, we swear), it takes all my willpower not to go full-on cone conductor. But trust me, for the sake of your freedom and the unfortunate drivers on the road with you, we advise against it.
However, if you can’t resist the urge, especially with the traffic around school being a complete nightmare, we understand. The urge to give the drivers en-route to school a little “scenic detour” is just reaaaally strong.
But hey, if you absolutely can’t resist the hypnotic powers of the traffic cones and absolutely must reroute the entire road, we have some advice for you! First things first, to avoid getting caught red-handed by surveillance birds, we suggest that you wear a traffic cone as a hat. Just cut some eye holes in it and put it on. It’s the perfect disguise for the occasion, no? Secondly, to spread word about the Traffic Cone Enthusiasts (and quite possibly confuse drivers even more), wear a sandwich board with some traffic cone propaganda, such as a QR code to a site about traffic cones. Just like big red buttons, humans will not psychologically be able to resist the urge to scan it.
We understand how tempting it can be to unleash your inner traffic cone. Just remember, with great power comes great responsibility (and a possible arrest warrant), so, use your newfound traffic-flow-manipulation skills wisely. Now get out there and cone-quer the world! (I definitely did not chatgpt this paragraph...)
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